I hope everyone is enjoying Memorial Day! I haven’t been posting alot in the past couple of months or so 🙂 but this long weekend has given me enough rest to actually post twice this month!! Yes do I miss Xanga! I use to be a Xangaholic but now I am just a recreational user heheh.
Actually I have not met anyone as dedicated a poster as LOBO. I thought I was bad but this man takes the cake! He calls me from his work and says
” Could you pick me up before you pick up before you go to the store?” So I am thinking something is a little wrong.
“Yeah ok what’s up, is everything alright?”
“Everything is fine, I’ll tell you when you get here, bye”
“But….” click he hangs up.
Hmmmm well I guess I’ll find out as soon as I pick him up. Yeah I found out all right that little devil! He wanted me to come and pick him up because he had a great idea for a post and had to get it down on Microsoft word right away before he lost it! He almost called a cab so he could get home sooner, good lord is this man a little addicted or what! Let me share with you what he thought was so important that it couldn’t wait. Read below! 🙂
I must’ve stood in that WalMart entrance for a full ten minutes until the old bat showed up.
“It’s about time!” I says, tapping my foot expectantly.
“Excuse me?” says the elderly woman.
“I’ve been standing here for an hour waiting to be greeted.” I glower menacingly. “You are a ‘Greeter’, are you not?”
“I was totally greetless!” I snap. “And as the person who specializes in it here, I hold you solely responsible for my wholly sub-par welcome.”
“Sir,” says the woman. “I was on break.”
“On break?” I laugh. “From saying ‘Welcome to Walmart‘!? Oh that must be soooo exhausting. Maybe you should Unionize. You know, trim it down to ‘Welcome’. Or maybe even just ‘Hi’.”
Her jaw curls slightly as she eyes me.
-But I don’t care. At this point, I’m pontificating fully.
“Maybe an abbreviation would make all this easier to endure.” I spin around and throw my arms wide, framing the gigantic WalMart sign. “Or maybe you could just stand under this and point at it smiling!”
She taps my shoulder.
“Welcome to Walmart sir,” she says.
And then at that exact moment, she jams the front right wheel of her walker into my foot.
“Please don’t,” she growls softly, twisting her crushing full weight into my big toe. “break anything, or I’ll cut you’re fucking arms off.”
With superhuman will, I do not whimper aloud.
“Ask me what I’ll cut off if you shoplift,” she grins toothlessly.
Tickle the ole funny Bone
The Odd and Quirky News